Global Women's Voices: Share Personal Stories

Aisha, United States

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I was in a domestic violence relationship for three years from 1995 until 1998. My (now ex) boyfriend sexually abused me many times. The last time I saw him, he had raped and severly beat me and I became pregnant. In DV cases, it is very hard to prove you have been raped by your partner. I imagine it is difficult to prove rape in any case, but in mine, I actually had a detective tell me, "you're stupid, how can your live-in boyfriend rape you?"

Unfortunately for me, my "abuser" fled the state after the incident leaving me with no way to persue my case. At the time, in Illinois, DV (domestic violence) was a midimeanor and another detective let me know that he could do nothing to help me. He told me, "I can't go cross country looking for him. It's not like he committed a felony against you." I said, "Yes he did, rape is a felony." He told me that as long as the police could establish a relationship between my "abuser" and I, the incident is domestic abuse, (a misdimeanor)!

One good thing, the ONLY thing I had working in my favor was that abortion was legal! If abortion were to be banned except for in cases of rape, I would have had NO case!!!
Women, men, fathers, mothers, everyone should think about how hard it is and how long it can take to prove rape.

The legal system (that I once believed in) failed me. But abortion laws did not!!! Remember: We as women know the truth about our personal trials and tragedies. We always know more about them, than do legislators!!! Right now we don't have to prove ourselves, but what if we did?

updated: 7/2/2004